Five Reasons to Reject Shame


Here is a surprising and different perspective on what to do with shame when it comes into your experience. This is different than what you’ve been hearing from others and it requires way less effort, making yourself vulnerable, and it is something that you can deal with on your own!

Shame is just a pattern of thought and feeling, and thought and feeling, repeating itself. It tells you that something is wrong with you, that you’re not good enough, and that you should feel like crap about yourself. All lies!!

If it gains momentum it becomes a shame spiral which will can really mess your shit up!!

Here are 5 reasons to reject shame:

1) If you believe in the law of attraction (or even if you don’t!) shame is the lowest of the emotions on the vibrational  scale which means that you’re not only feeling badly about yourself and badly in general you are attracting more thoughts, feelings, and other stuff that feels bad.

2) Shame is the “mother of all emotions” it will keep you either in hiding or in fight and angry and defensive mode at all times-not a great way to feel or be in your life. And the way you feel is all you really have right?

3) "Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~ Brené Brown. Point being, when you feel bad about yourself, change is not possible.

4) Shame and depression are best friends!! If you want to cure your depression, you need to start telling that shame to screw itself!

5) Shame is something that was imposed by someone else (or your mistaken perception about what that person said or meant when you felt it) and is not the truth about you or who you are!

The shame researchers and therapists all say that you need to make yourself vulnerable and share your shame as the antidote but I caution against this for a few reasons:

  1. Trying to get others to really understand you is an impossible feat and you'll feel a lot better if you can let that need go
  2. You're putting your emotional well being, which is the most important thing in your life, in the hands of someone else who may be having a bad day, is busy, or just does not get it
  3. It trains you to need the acceptance of others in order to feel good

Hey, I’m not saying that support and connection are bad things, but if we always need the approval or forgiveness of others to feel better, it is extremely disempowering and you need to start looking for love in the right places-which is yourself and those who REALLY “get” how to feel better. What I recommend is to work with your own thoughts and feelings until the pattern loses hold. Do some tapping, hypnosis, or use some essential oils (Doterra’s Bergamont, Frankincense, and Forgive Emotional Blend) to foster self acceptance, self love, and otherwise feeling good. If shame has been practiced for a really long time, it may take a little white for the pattern to be fully dismantled so if you can't find self acceptance or love just yet, no worries!! Just oil up and tap until those critical voices inside quiet down and then just find something else to focus on that makes you feel better. Look for relief from the crappy feeling and find a better feeling. Even blame is better than shame so you may need to go there first with the intention of feeling better and better and moving eventually into self love and acceptance. 

The trick is to really catch it quickly, whenever you catch yourself beating yourself upon, second guessing yourself, criticizing yourself, feeling embarrassed become aware and interrupt the pattern as quickly as possible. Sometimes it just takes awareness that you are going down a shame spiral and then you can shift gears other times the shame has gotten a stronger grip  and you may need to take some time to really get it down by tapping, using essential oils to support you, moving your body, listening to something uplifting, or doing some hypnosis.

Do these suggestions seem doable? If not, consider joining our Tapped In Together Group (link to page), where you can get some ongoing help and support  from people that really get how to truly kick that shame to the curb!